Blogger and librarian Ross Horsley delivers a wickedly satirical children’s dictionary for today’s warped bibliophile, comprised of sunny illustrations from a real 1940s kids’ book paired with irreverent—and often twisted—definitions.

Hello, boys and girls, and welcome to the wonderful world of words! You've learned the basics—from apple to zebra—but what about all those mysterious new terms you've heard the grown-ups whispering when you were supposed to be tucked up snugly in bed?What makes Mommy so bitter? Where does Daddy conceal the door to his secret S&M dungeon? And why is everyone laughing about Grandma's latest delusion?My First Dictionary answers these questions, and includes many other useful definitions, such as:A burden is a source of worry or stress. Old people are usually burdens.Father is nostalgic. He is remembering the happier times before you were born.A puppy is a young dog. Connie gets a puppy every time she agrees not to tell. Daddy calls them hush puppies.A zigzag is a jagged line. We can tell that Mother has been drinking when she drives in a zigzag pattern.Carry a copy of My First Dictionary in your schoolbag and you'll never be at a loss for words again!